Apologizing is a bad habit
Sometimes, in order to smooth out the roughness of our actions, we rush to apologize. Apologies are considered as a way to correct errors or as compensation for possible inconveniences.
But often, by apologizing, you not only do not solve the problem, but, on the contrary, only make it worse. However, there is a great alternative to apologies. I want to tell you about it.
What’s wrong with an apology
First, when you apologize, you focus on the negative aspects. Before you mentioned it, this fact was invisible or insignificant to others. And now only the lazy one will not shake his head, saying: “Yes, indeed!..»
Second, by apologizing, you acknowledge your mistake. You are the weak link! And if before everything looked like it was planned, now everything fell apart right before our eyes. As soon as you apologized, you immediately took on a sense of guilt and a sense of imperfection. It is much more difficult to continue with this sediment.
Third, by apologizing, you provoke people to feel sorry for you or comfort you. Restore the balance of pleasantries, so to speak. Someone will say, ” Oh, well. With whom it does not happen!”or “it’s Not terrible, we understand…” If your mistake really caused inconvenience to people, then the “forgiveness” extended by force will be insincere. This can leave them with a negative impression. If the error is insignificant, then, by apologizing, you, on the contrary, form a sense of guilt in people. Someone will think: “It’s like I didn’t do anything terrible, but I apologized so much… it’s even inconvenient somehow…»
The best alternative to apologies is gratitude!
Rearrange your phrase so that instead of apologies and excuses, the person hears gratitude or praise. Thus, you will not make yourself look guilty, and you will tell people a compliment.
Given example. I recently attended a master class that took place in a business center on the outskirts of Moscow. Some people had difficulty finding the right address where the event was held. However, in the end, everyone gathered without delay.
Before the start of the master class, the host asked if everyone had found the right place easily. Participants complained that they coped with this task with difficulty. In response, the coach said: “Sorry, this is our mistake…»
In this case, instead of an apology, it would be better to praise the audience: “What a good job you were able to come on time! If you have coped with this task, I am sure that you will not have any difficulties in mastering the master class program.»
Or here’s another case. After one premiere, I lingered in the lobby of a movie theater with the Director, discussing a movie I had just watched. When I went down to the wardrobe, I found that only my coat and a couple of jackets were left on the hangers.
Approaching the woman in charge of issuing clothing, I said: “thank You for waiting for the most notorious movie fans!”In response, the cloakroom attendant smiled and handed me a coat.
Just a minute later, two more men came up. One handed the tag in silence, the other tried to apologize. The Keeper’s sweet smile was replaced by a discontented expression. She immediately began to grumble that she should have been home a long time ago and that her clothes should have been received on time…
So now, instead of apologizing, make it a rule to thank people!